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Join us for an insightful conversation with Ben Reinking, a board-certified pediatric cardiologist, medical educator, and certified physician development coach, as we explore the profound impact of emotional intelligence in health care. Ben shares a pivotal moment that turned a potential setback into a heartwarming memory and offers strategies for developing emotional intelligence to improve patient care, strengthen team dynamics, and enhance personal growth in the medical field.
Ben Reinking is a board-certified pediatric cardiologist, medical educator, and certified physician development coach, as well as the owner of The Developing Doctor. He can also be reached on Instagram.
He discusses the KevinMD article, “The power of emotional intelligence: a personal story and lessons for physicians.”
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Transcript
Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at kevinemd.com/podcast. Today, we welcome back Ben Reinking. He is a pediatric cardiologist, medical educator, and certified physician development coach. Today’s KevinMD article is titled “The Power of Emotional Intelligence: A Personal Story and Lessons for Physicians.”
Kevin Pho: Ben, welcome back to the show.
Ben Reinking: Thanks, Kevin. It’s always great to be here.
Kevin Pho: All right. So today, let’s jump right into your article about emotional intelligence. Can you share what this one is about?
Ben Reinking: Sure. This article recounts a specific patient encounter where a small miscommunication with a family—or even just a math error—led to an opportunity for a medical student to step in and speak up. The situation evolved into a meaningful learning moment for all involved. The conversation I had with the family afterward and the events that followed have stuck with me, even years later.
Reflecting on it, I think it resonates because it demonstrates how understanding and responding to the emotions of others can enhance the dynamics within a care team and improve the overall patient care experience. It’s a reminder of the importance of emotional intelligence in medicine.
Kevin Pho: For those who haven’t had the chance to read your article, can you share the story?
Ben Reinking: Of course. I was on inpatient service, caring for a patient who had been born with a complex medical condition. This young patient and his family were several years into his treatment journey, and they were no strangers to the medical system. Over time, families like this often become deeply informed about their child’s care, and this family was no exception. They were engaged and excellent advocates for their child.
At that point, the patient had been hospitalized for an extended period, and we were working on developing a nutrition plan to meet his needs. During one of our discussions, I calculated his fluid and nutrition requirements but ended up being off by about five cc’s per kilo. After a lengthy conversation with the family, filled with shared decision-making, I left the room feeling we had arrived at a good plan.
Then, a medical student gently tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, Dr. Reinking, I think there might have been a calculation error.” She pointed out the mistake I’d made in my math. She was absolutely correct, and her observation was spot on—minor discrepancies like this can sometimes upset families, especially those who are highly invested in their child’s care. When she mentioned it, my stomach sank because I dreaded going back into the room to admit the mistake after such a detailed conversation. But I knew it had to be done.
So, I walked back into the room and told the family, “Hey, I made a math error. I’m sorry about that.” To my surprise, their reaction wasn’t what I expected. Instead of being upset, they started laughing. They teased me about not being able to do math, and the moment turned into a joke that stuck. Even to this day—nearly a decade later—whenever I see them, they still bring it up: “Oh, it’s the doctor who can’t do math!”
What could have been an uncomfortable situation became a moment of connection. It turned into something positive and memorable for both me and the family.
Kevin Pho: Reflecting on your story, what immediate thoughts went through your mind when the student pointed out your math error? How did you use emotional intelligence to handle that situation?
Ben Reinking: That’s a great question. My initial reaction was something along the lines of, “Dang it.” Nobody likes to make a mistake, no matter how minor. I felt a mix of guilt, frustration, and anxiety—frustration with myself for the error and anxiety about having to admit it and correct it in front of the family.
At the same time, I was incredibly grateful that the student spoke up. Her observation turned what could have been a larger issue into something that was ultimately resolved easily and even humorously. When it comes to emotional intelligence, the key for me was recognizing my own emotions—frustration, guilt, and anxiety—and ensuring they didn’t influence how I approached the family. If I had brought those feelings into the conversation, they could have been misinterpreted as frustration with the family, which would have made the situation worse. Instead, I chose to address the error openly and honestly, which helped turn it into a moment of connection.
Kevin Pho: When you talk about emotional intelligence, how do you define it? What does it mean to you in practice?
Ben Reinking: To me, emotional intelligence is all about recognizing and understanding your own emotions, as well as being attuned to the emotions of others. It’s also about managing your emotions in a way that helps you respond appropriately to different situations. In practice, this means being aware of what you’re feeling, understanding how those emotions might affect your behavior, and ensuring they don’t negatively impact others.
Kevin Pho: Admitting a mistake, especially in front of a patient and their family, is never easy. Do you feel that this experience ultimately strengthened your bond with that patient and their family?
Ben Reinking: Absolutely. In fact, I think one of the most powerful things we can say as physicians is, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together,” or, “I made a mistake. Let’s adjust and move forward.” Over time, I’ve come to see that acknowledging our humanity and involving patients in shared decision-making improves the experience for everyone. It fosters trust and collaboration, which are essential in patient care.
Kevin Pho: We’ve talked about admitting mistakes and showing vulnerability. What are other examples of emotional intelligence that physicians and other health professionals can display in stressful clinical situations?
Ben Reinking: One example is recognizing and responding to the emotions of your colleagues. We’re trained to develop strong physician-patient relationships, but we often overlook the importance of connecting with our peers. Health care environments can be incredibly stressful, and everyone on the team—whether it’s nurses, other physicians, or administrative staff—experiences a wide range of emotions. A key aspect of emotional intelligence is creating a safe space where team members feel supported and heard.
Kevin Pho: Do medical institutions have a responsibility to foster emotional intelligence among their staff? If so, how can they do that?
Ben Reinking: Absolutely. Institutions should create environments that promote collaboration and teamwork. This includes providing training on emotional intelligence and communication skills, as well as fostering a culture where mutual respect and empathy are valued. These efforts can go a long way in helping teams navigate challenges effectively.
Kevin Pho: You’re also a physician coach. How do you help physicians develop emotional intelligence during your coaching sessions?
Ben Reinking: The first step is helping them identify their emotions. Many physicians are taught to suppress their feelings during patient care, but this isn’t sustainable. I encourage my clients to practice naming their emotions throughout the day. At first, their emotional vocabulary might be limited to basic feelings like “happy,” “sad,” or “angry.” Over time, they begin to recognize more nuanced emotions, which helps them respond to situations more effectively.
Kevin Pho: How long does it typically take to develop these skills?
Ben Reinking: It’s a lifelong process. Within a few months, many physicians can start recognizing their emotions more clearly, but applying that awareness and responding appropriately is an ongoing journey. It’s one of the aspects of health care and coaching that keeps things interesting—you’re always learning and growing.
Kevin Pho: For younger physicians, residents, and students listening, what lessons can they take from your story?
Ben Reinking: One key takeaway is the importance of speaking up. In the story I shared, the student approached me respectfully and expressed her concern, which prevented a potential issue. As attending physicians, we need to create an environment where team members feel comfortable raising their voices. It’s essential for fostering trust and collaboration.
Kevin Pho: Ben, let’s wrap up with some take-home messages for our audience.
Ben Reinking: My biggest recommendation is to practice naming your emotions throughout the day. This simple exercise can help you become more self-aware and improve how you navigate challenges in both your personal and professional life.
Kevin Pho: Thank you so much for sharing your insights and for coming back on the show.
Ben Reinking: Thanks, Kevin. It’s always a pleasure.
